BluEyedDaizy

…along comes Thumbman and you realize your backorder of weird has finally arrived.  Just…wow.

That is all.

A hint of bovine.  Yep.  That’s what it needs.  Apparently milk isn’t the only thing that does a body good.  I will take them at their word and slowly back away…

And now, I think I shall puke a little.  Excuse me please.

So, I stumbled across a webgroup  titled “Tiny Things Are Nice” and I think to myself…awww, yes. Yes they are nice! Everyone knows that…it’s a generally acknowledged fact that anything in minature is nice. And cute.

For example: a cupcake is good but a miniature cupcake is SOOOOO ZOMGZ CUTE!

So, I’m checking out the picture in the “Tiny Things Are Nice” group and it seems that every one I see is so gosh darn adorably cute…and then- THIS. And THIS. And man…it was downhill from there, lol!

There are some sick, sick people out there. Creative…but sick. O_o

For the practical and reality-bound medical professional in your life.

(P.S. You wanna be really careful when you Google something like “Anatomically Correct Chocolate”.  Make sure you specify “heart” because man…you just don’t wanna know.)

And—>from the “voices that don’t match their bodies” file, I give you…TayZonday singing his original song ”Chocolate Rain”:

He’s actually very good!  The song though…it’s kind of like Haiku that doesn’t know when to quit-  it has 19 verses people.  19.  It’s up to you whether or not you wanna watch it.  Or, maybe you’re one of the 34,054,470 that already has.  ;)

(this outta make my vegetarian sister positively HURL! Mwahahaha!)

Nothing says “I love you let me enable your heart disease” better than this:

It’s chocolate!  It’s bacon!  It’s…CHOCOLATE BACON!  And a sure way to put him in the hospital show him you care.

Seriously though, nothing but glowing reports about Mo’s Bacon Bar.  If you have the nerve and a constitution of iron; link’s embedded in the picture above. May the pork be with you.

And sis, this one’s for you.  *grin*

*not worksafe, not childsafe, completely hilarious*

I would really like to know what ya-hoo out there first bought a pair of shoes and, upon finding the innocuous little packet of white pellets inside (a.k.a silica-gel used to keep any possible moisture at bay), thought, “oooOOOooo! TREATS!”

I mean, was this really such a problem that a warning had to be put on this slightly larger than postage-stamp sized envelope? In two languages no less? (Apparently they have similar issues in France, lol)

Warning labels crack me up because it only means that at some time, somewhere, some idiot actually tried to do the thing the rest of us are being warned about.  It further means that said idiots then tried to sue the companies that now have these ridiculous warning labels claiming “But…nowhere on that thing does it say NOT TO!” thereby making such “warnings” necessary.

For example:

• “Do not eat toner.” — On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. (and you think red popsicles stain yer tongue? wait until you get a mouthfull of this stuff…)
• “Do not use for drying pets.” — In the manual for a microwave oven. (how many pets were lost to this stupidity?!?)
• “Do not use orally.” — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. (could it really be mistaken for a toothbrush?  really? maybe if you’ve got a REEEALLY big mouth!)
• “Do not iron clothes on body.” — On packaging for a Rowenta iron. (for the love of GOD!!!)
• “For external use only!” — On a curling iron. (Seriously…I cringe to imagine…and only hope it was unplugged and cold at the time…)

And this one just…confused me, LMAO!!!: (On a laser pointer)

• “Do not look into laser with remaining eye.” (With “remaining eye”?!? Does that mean he shined it into the first eye, went blind then decided to shine it in the other eye to make sure it was the laser causing the blindness in the first eye?? LOL! Ya…CLEARLY natural selection is NO LONGER WORKING!)

What, after all, does it say about the general level of human intellect when you have to specifically tell people “do not use orally after using rectally (electric thermometer)?!?”

It might be better for the human gene pool in general for those who actually need to be told that the “wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly” to go ahead, put on that superman costume and run right off the edge of that building and spare the world the infliction your DNA will no doubt carry on into the next generation.

…I’m all for saving the trees. I think it’s very important that there be enough trees to cut down in there future as there are now. And I think it’s important to express one’s opinion…but not to the point of utter stupidity…which I see a lot of here in Oregon State…yes, I’m talking about the hardcore Environmentalists…Lord love’em, lol. They have been a very consistent source of entertainment for me these many long years.

Case in point: This actually happened a long time ago, but it’s still hilarious to me. A local maul (still the correct spelling for ‘mall’ on my column, *snicker*) announced a big upgrade…and therefore needed more parking space…which required some tree removal…which sparked a huge debate about greedy corporate America and their incessant need for more, more, MORE!!! So one of the activists decided to protest (a wholly worthy endeavor and I completely support their right to do so) by climbing into one of the 50’ pines on the maul property in order to prevent it from being cut down.

Sadly, he wasn’t in it for long…somehow he managed to fall 35’ from the tree to the pavement – ouch! And you know something, I think he might have had a really good chance of making a statement…were it not for the fact that the tree he climbed was slated to be saved in the first place.

• Greedy Corporate America: 1
• Uncoordinated Environmentalist: 2…broken bones…and 1 very red face.

And now, a Deep Thought by Jack Handy: “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time…for no good reason.”