No time to flirt? NO PROBLEM!!! Let’yer butt do the winking for you! ROFL!!! This is so many different levels of Wrong…I hardly know where to begin…
I think I’ll wait for the “Cookie Monster” edition to get my pair. I can just see it now: two Cookie Monsters chomping away as I walk off into the distance. I could get a t-shirt with “ME WANT COOKIES!” in large bold letters on the back! Yep. Now THAT is a fashion statement!! (of what kind I’m not sure, but a statement none the less! *wink*)
So Orphan Is Pretty Much the Best Movie. Ever.: ”This is a movie that uses a black-lit aquarium as a plot device! And when you see what said black-lit aquarium reveals, the absolute batshit insanity of it all will make your head explode. Twice. And that’s just tip of the crazy iceberg.”
Legally Blundering: “I knew the moment I saw this, there would be trouble. Why? Because not only did it obviously not feature the original character (always a sign of bad things to come), but furthermore the words “An ABC Family premiere event” were emblazoned across the top of the ad.”
…she didn’t bank on that vision being Kara DioGuardi instead of her. LMAO!!!
I didn’t watch the final American Idol so of course, when I heard about this little showdown I zipped over to Youtube and found it. How freakin’ hilarious!!! You know, it’s one thing to be deluded about one’s abilities, it’s another thing to wrap it up in sex and try to sell it. She just couldn’t sell it, not even in a bikini.
I tell ya, when you set yourself up like that…you kinda deserve what’cha get. Not only was she out-sung, she was out-classed, out-sassed and out-bikinied as well! Go KARA!!
This is the best! Kara doesn’t even pretend that this isn’t about making Bikini Kill feel retarded, and Bikini Kill is so dumb she’s like, “I don’t even know how stupid this makes me!” Mostly I just love it, because I was on Kara’s side — “Next time just show up naked” is precisely when I fell in love with her, if you remember — but A) how fun for all of them to be in on it, and B ) um, how hot was Kara DioGuardi already? I forgot how Riot Grrl obsessed I was with her twenty weeks ago, when everything she said was brilliant and funny, and I relegated her to the smarter version of Randy/Paula, but damn. She’s so Third Wave she’s like already laying out on the beach wearing a bikini and being all, “Whatever, I got SPF 5K.”
It’s so nice when your role models actually put the pedal to the metal instead of talking the talk: “Yeah, I called you a wh@re that lived off your t!ts. And then guess what, you got new t!ts. But I can still sing better than you, which we all know is the nominal point, and I’m a gifted writer, and I’m hotter than you. In about sixty ways. So when I said you were living off your body because you’re too lazy to live off anything else, I wasn’t talking shit: I could take off this dress and make some f@cking dime on it. I choose not to, because I am an artist. I’ve been there, I’ve made the choice. I’m lucky to have figured out before I was dead that there was a choice.”
“When I say you need something better, that’s not me being fat or ugly or any other thing where I’m less awesome than you: I’m saying I could take the easy road, and chose not to. And you can’t hear it, because you think womanhood is a war you’re automatically drafted into. But if you could hear it, what I’m saying is that you have a million different ways of proving yourself, and instead you take the one way that guarantees you’ll never get anywhere at all. It’s a he!! of a lot easier to point the finger if I’m not hotter than you, because you can say I’m being defensive, but guess what: that was never what it was about. It’s possible to live outside the economy of women hating women. And I’m telling you: every woman that ever tried to stop you, they weren’t being mean, they were trying to save your life.”
And she’s like the only person with the credentials, and the basic Bikini Kill recipe, and the body, to make that point at this moment: she could easily be Bikini Kill, and that’s all she was ever trying to say. Try harder. Be Better. And that’s why I loved Kara six months ago, and that’s why I love her now. “Next time just come naked” isn’t an insult, it’s an option. And there are way better f@cking options.
You don’t have to be ugly to be smart, and you don’t have to be smart to be ugly: life is actually much better than that. You can do everything, and still be in charge of your sh!t, because you are automatically good at more than one thing. We as people are so stuck on living in the house of our best accomplishment that we’re scared to be more complex than that, or go to the scarier places. But that’s a system invented by other people to keep us small. Taking it down to just one thing — pretty, smart, funny, cool — is selling yourself short, because you’re bigger than that: You Are Your Territory. You own what you earn, and you earn what you own.
Every once in a while, I break down and go to McDonalds. *sigh* This is practically a capitol offense in my house seeing as we are all trying to be healthy and stay away from crap like that…but about every three or four months…I give in.
Today was that day.
So, imagine my surprise when I get back to my office to consume said forbidden lunch that I opened my Chicken Selects box only to find this under the other two pieces of chicken that came with the “meal”.
Kinda gives “Happy Meal” a whole different attitude…doesn’t it.
If you don’t know about Catherine Tate…you should. :D
This one features David Tennant, the former new Dr. Who (I know, right? I don’t actually watch Dr. Who so, I never knew that the former new Dr. Who would be replaced by a newer new Dr. Who. I knew the original Dr. Who was replaced by the former new Dr. Who (but as it turns out, there were SEVERAL Dr.’s Who between those two Dr.’s Who, the original and the former new)…and was in fact shocked that the newer new Dr. Who was set to replace the former new Dr. Who, who I rather liked. The former new Dr. Who and the newer new Dr. Who, who isn’t half bad, are really only two in a long line of Dr.’s Who…of which there are currently 11 – praise be to Wikipedia, the all knowing oracle of useless information.
So, this of course, BEGS the question: how many Dr.’s Who does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I wager it would never get done because firstly, they have to determine if the light bulb actually exists which brings up the properties of light and spectrum not to mention how light travels which would undoubtedly devolve into time travel discussions and then, you know, when you get a room full of Dr.’s Who, they WILL have stories to swap – and who better for a Dr. Who to tell all his secrets to than another Dr. Who? No one understands like a Time Lord understands.
Then they must figure out on which plane of reality the bulb and the light actually exists and if indeed they coexist on the same plane or separate ones (and believe me, separate planes of reality…you just don’t want to open that can of worms). Then come the discussions pro and con for removing the light bulb and what kind of catastrophic repercussions that might have on this and all existing planes of reality, coexisting or otherwise. And once that is settled, then they have to further discuss the issue of finding another light bulb to replace it…and that search could last at least two seasons, adding two more Dr.’s Who to the mix which would start the entire process all over again because fairness dictates that the two new Dr.’s Who must weigh in with their opinions as well…and all this just to take the bloody bulb out and find a new one. I won’t even get into the installation process for the new bulb…that would take a friggin’ eternity at which point we would probably wind up right back where we started again anyway…and Lord…this post has seriously gone off the rails, hasn’t it? But hey, am I bothered? I’m not bothered).
All this to say…Catherine Tate. Full of funny. I love her! This one is probably my favorite (though that David Tennant one runs a real close second! LMAO!!)
There is a message board that I frequent (and am also secretly terrified they might discover my blog, you would be to if you knew them like I do…ACK! so I won’t be linking directly to it) but one of them posted something today that was so unbelieveably funny…I have to post it.
She writes: “Wanna see my Cinco de Mayo cupcakes?”
Then she posts these pictures.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! :D What a sick woman. I love it! *grin*
