No, not my beloved Lucy. One of the neighbors has a crappy dog…and guess where this neighbor likes to let it crap…?

For what seems like weeks I had been finding mysterious “piles” on my front lawn and yeah, I know my yard is not the nicest one on the block but just because I have a bit of crab grass and clover this does not designate my yard as the local canine dumping station! I mean, WHO DOES THAT???  Let’s their dog crap in a neighbor’s yard and just LEAVES IT!!?!

So not too long ago I was able to catch this neighbor in the act…or rather, it was the dog I caught mid-poo while the neighbor stood sheepishly nearby hoping to blend into the bushes.

I’ve seen him around the neighborhood a lot.  He’s an older retiree with a  fluffy, medium sized lapdog and I had already half suspected he was the culprit for about the previous month or so but couldn’t prove it, so I shouted out in a very friendly tone, “Good morning!”

He waved an embarrassed little wave and quietly said “good morning” back.

I said, with a little grin, “Hey…uh…you aren’t gonna just leave that there, are you?” And just stared at him, daring him to not answer me.

He starts patting his pockets…of course, someone who allows their dog to just go anywhere is not going to be prepared to “pick up” after their dog’s impromptu “deposit”.  He stammers, “Well, I would if uh…”

I smile brightly and say, “OHHH!  Do YOU need a baggie?!?  STAY RIGHT THERE! I’ll go get you one!” And I saunter into the house knowing this person knows he’s been caught, can’t just leave now without looking like a total asshat, and has to wait for me to bail him out of his ineptitude and self-serving stupidity by supplying him with something he knows he should have always had with him anyway.

A couple of minutes later, I stroll leisurely back out and hold it out for him and wait. He takes it, kinda looks at me with a “do you really expect me to pick that up” kind of look which got an immediate reactive expression from me which fairly shouted “HELL YES! I expect you to practically lick my lawn clean, jerk!” but then I smiled too so, it was all polite and stuff. He bends down and scoops his dog’s crap off my lawn, into the baggie,  and then has the audacity to look at me all “now what?”.

I handed him a couple of extra baggies and said to him, “I’ve got a garbage bin just over there, please feel free to use it if you need to.  I can take it for you this time though, since I’m here.”  I smiled my happiest “thank you for being an actual human and not a total douche bag” smile and walked his dog’s crap to my bin, which, you have to admit was rather magnanimous of me considering the situation. *smirk*

Just before I got into my car and just before he was past my yard, I said, “Thank you!!  I hope you have a wonderful day!”  I got a tip of the hat and an awkward “you too” and that was that.

Funny how I haven’t seen him since.  Also interesting there have been no more “mystery piles” in my yard.

GOTCHA! SUCKA! Winner is me. Ha!